[image description: angery dog meme. slightly blurred image of a tiny dog with an angry face. the image is tinted red. overlaid red text reads: (((ANGERY))) ]
there’s a lil bit of anger in my spirit rn, yeah. a bit of frustration. a part of me is accustomed to feeling this way during this time of year. seasonal depression has been hitting, holidays and family gatherings may forever feel like traps to me which trigger moments of wallowing in the past. it would be an interesting exercise if I were to channel that energy into thoughts of the future and what that might hold.
one of the things angering me are people who are having “Thanksgiving” celebrations, for two reasons. the first being in that it is lazy and performative “allyship” to “celebrate” colonizers and genocide but also “be committed to decolonization.” I am not against giving or acknowledging gratitude. but I’m not seeing any critical thinking going on here. I’m not seeing any denouncement of what the origins of this “holiday” stems from (greed and colonization) and a re-educating of ourselves and our kids. yeah, my moms gay white friend hosted a conversation about Ibram X. Kendi’s How to be an Antiracist and I guess that’s a start of…something. But I don’t even see people sharing/posting cutesy performative stuff on Instagram. all of my cis “friends” and “community members” were mad silent on Trans Day of Remembrance. Are people so tired in their roles as “allies” (when they really should be accomplices) that they’ve checked out for the rest of the month? year? season?
some of us Black and Brown and Indigenous folk can’t check out. particularly those of us that also live at the intersections of gender minorities, disability, and poverty.
I think what I would really like to see right now is people articulating why they are “celebrating” this upcoming weekend. What re-evaluating have you been doing? What are you doing to thank, acknowledge, and bless the Native people’s whose lands you are currently on? Are you reading about their history, culture, and community needs? Are you pausing to reflect and give thanks for the multitude of blessings you have received this year, first and foremost to still be alive during this hell that has been 2020?
the second thing angering me relating to “Thanksgiving” is that people…are actually gathering. like what the actual FUCK.
I understand culturally significant holidays and rituals. but SO MANY things have been put on pause this year, and this “holiday” is no where near significant enough to needlessly kill people over. stop being so GOTDAMN SELFISH and plan your zoom Kwanzaa or whatever tf. The fact that people are actually traveling across this country to go visit family is so angering to me. Everyone wants to see themselves as the exception to the rule, thinking that getting a negative covid test means that they are safe to do whatever the hell they want to. (is this @KatBlaque? lmfao. she was on that shit too.)
FUCK. NO.
I really have no other words to express how pissed the fuck off I am about this lmao. but I’m angry.
other things that got me angry (lol):
— performative allyship in general, but particularly from Black people. I don’t care about the whytes, they’ve always been useless and I’m not holding my breath for them to get any better. but how the hell are Black people still smoking on some fuckshit? for my university’s Trans Awareness Weeks I was on a panel “Uplifting Trans and Gender-nonconforming BIPOC Voices.” a solid three or four days after the gotdamn panel homegirl text me about a Natural Hair brand’s (that I no longer support) Black Friday sale. then also was like “how you doing, saw you was on a panel.” THE PANEL WAS SPECIFICALLY OPEN TO FUCKING USELESS CISHETS LIKE HER SO THAT THEY COULD BE BETTER INFORMED ABOUT THE NEEDS OF OUR COMMUNITY. I could’ve had a blast just chattin it up with other cute trans and non-cis folk instead of airing my trauma for y’all to recognize our presence and humanity. but you chose to keep your head in your ass.
— dysphoria. and with her, the tanking of my mental health. cuz it sucks and why do I feel this way? because fucking cisnormativity. I just want to feel comfortable in my body already gotdammit.
— waiting for Black Friday. I live in a capitalist society and I am poor. I do not have enough money to get all the things I want, so I wish all the brands that I’m looking at would just tell me what their deals will fucking be already so I can figure out how much I’m going to spend and just be done with it already I don’t need all of this motherfuckin anxiety.
— my computer fell out of my lap while plugged in and so the charger is bent and finicky and you can’t just pop up to apple stores no more cuz covid and the earliest appointment was this saturday which i can’t go to cuz work so i can’t go in until next monday. and im pretty sure it’s just the charger that’s fucked up, not the USB port, but im not sure lol.
— my family. y’all don’t needa know why though
If you’re on insta, here’s a link to a post by Charlie Amáyá (they/she) for Trans Day of Remembrance. The last image panel is tagged with trans and gender nonconforming Black and indigenous content creator’s and organizations. Follow and uplift their content.
idk just words yameen 